Black Dog, At Home Alone, 1:34 am

i set the alarm for 10 everyday
to make sure that I will be out of bed by 4
and in the shower by 6
and eating breakfast by 8

today i woke at 9
i showered at 10
and i set the table for us at 11
so sure in my mind you knew the plans i made

of course when I made them last night it was so rational
and whats wrong with a dinner
and whats wrong with just talking
and whats wrong with me
I work off hangovers by making plans, setting tables, cooking dinner, and eating it alone

I have a black dog
a big heart
and a shirt that still smells familiar

Northern California, Pre Wedding, Post Graduation.

I am seated in a two bedroom condo in San Jose, California.
The condo houses a family of Immigrants, I have learned to use the word loosely.
The oldest, the grandfather, the father of my sister's husband
teaches the youngest how to walk on American carpet.
He trips over my American feet.
His eyes want to cry but instead he tries again, he has learned the world quickly.
The second oldest, the grandmother, the mother of my sister's husband,
speaks a mix of criminally broken English and beautiful Spanish.
From what I gather she is happy for my company.
My sister and her husband sit on the couch across the room and speak spanish,
It is the language of the household.
My mother and the second youngest, Edgar, sit on the floor making games with toy cars.
She speaks English to him in a baby voice,
that is the language of her household.
He understand enough of her baby English to know they are friends.

Loteria is a mexican kind of bingo, Edgar is a professional.
We play his games for hours and fill our stomachs.
The grandmother's food weighing heavy on our ankles my family leaves the condo.
My mother asks Edgar if he is ready to come visit Kentucky.
He politely says "no".
San Jose is his Home.

Coke In A Can

I've lost my taste,
For Coca-Cola In a can.
Water is just smooth.

Big Sur Animal

I smoke animals on the backporch
Overlooking Main Street.

I write poetry about my porch on a rock
Overlooking Pfifer Beach.

Relativity,
Blows My Mind.

Bats Behind PizzaHut. Lexington, KY

When I slam the door of my illegally parked car.
Bats fly over my head.
They came from the tree to my right
the one behind the dumpster.
I flinch and wonder if I am more afraid of their bite or their guano.
Bats are people.

A DEEP BLUE HOWL

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
A deep blue sea, darlin'
deep, deep blue sea.

Angelheaded hipsters burning,
for the ancient heavenly connection to
mamma that got drowned
in out in that deep blue sea.


Who bared their brains to Heaven,
under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering.
dig his grave darlin
with a silver spade.

Angelheaded hipsters burning,
for the ancient heavenly connection to
brother that got drowned,
in out in that deep blue sea.


With dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares,
alcohol and cock and endless balls,
drop him down darlin
with a golden chain.

Angelheaded hipsters burning,
for the ancient heavenly connection to
daddy that got drowned,
in out in that deep blue sea.

A Lonely Happening On A Saturday Night

Driving through Kentucky back roads you always think you're lost. I knew I had to be real close when my brain started hurting for booze or cigarettes or anything else I really don't like to talk about but I do it anyway so I can think clearer or not think at all. When we pull up to the house we park on the street because the driveway isn't paved and in a real charming sort of way it scared the shit outta me, and it wasn't worth messing my car up and I could have used a hat for my ears but carrying my big brown paper bag I figured at least the beer won't be warm. My good friend Wally tried to start a conversation about the stars and now I wished I would have sat down Indian style with him and talked instead of offering him a beer.
About half way down the gravel driveway I tell him id like to go camping and not get drunk and talk about the stars and girls but speaking of girls I saw this big breasted chick from my freshman year trying to catch my eye. She embraces me and I'm just thinking about all the times I should have gotten with her and especially the time she screamed to the whole room I'M TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU right before I put a blanket over her on the couch when she looked too cold to be sleeping. And the next thing I know she's in some guys truck driving away and I'm in the house talking to a few guys using bigger words than I should if I don't want to get my ass whooped by the end of the night. I started to get real bored real fast and excused myself like a kid at thanksgiving dinner. As I try to lightly float through the party I am thoroughly convinced my feet are screaming BOOM BAP BOOM BAP and I try not to make eye contact but sometimes you can't avoid it.
The next thing I know I'm talking up this far gone girl a couple years younger than me that I haven't stopped thinking about for a few weeks now so I don't mind the conversation a bit. She sits me down and tells me to wait for her to make another drink and each sip she takes makes me feel 10 sips uglier ( maybe 20 after the fact) and I've reached the point where I know I'll end up kissing her and it's not like I didn't want to or haven't thought about it. And the next thing I know she told me that she can taste cigarettes on me but she doesn't mind and she is moving her waist and rubbing against me and I forget how good it feels every time and shes a wide kisser but I'll blame it on her watermelon vodka which didn't taste too hot either. I want to touch her chest but it keeps bothering me that I cant remember her middle name cause at that point I was convinced that somewhere it says in the chivalric code a knight cant make it to second base unless he can state thy ladies middle name.
Eventually shes too drunk and I'm too far in love with her to keep kissing so I go and save Wally from a fight and he drives me home and talks about the stars and about girls and I wish we were camping cause my head is already hurting now that the bonfire is out of view.

Caetano

Caetano do you still cry in London, London?
Where is your dear Brazil?
Where are your palm trees and, Brazil?

Caetano do you feel a little more blue then then?
Do the people stop to talk and are there flying saucers
Where is your love and your, Brazil?

Caetano do you weep tonight?
Mr. Veloso is there nothing worth anything?
Where is your hope and your, Brazil?

Caetano is this you and is this me?
And is the air warm tonight?
Are the palm trees blowing in your, Brazil?

I’ll feel most excited
When I feel most at home
And the trees in the park
And I drove by your house today and tried not to look

And the spice
The smiles, and the water
And the egg rolls and fried bananas
And I didn’t pay for those, they were free anyway

And I’ll work and I’ll drink
The milk is burnt
But the smells not that bad, and its just coffee, it doesn’t stink
And on the way home I drove by your house and tried not to look

And all my friends
With their booze
And their laughs
And the song I stole and didn’t play that well anyway

And the water
And the girls trying to get darker
And the “why isn’t anyone talking”
And I drove by your house today and tried not to look

And my room where I learn
And Devendra taught me what I needed to know
And the coffee stains
And the, I don’t think I’ll get up today

And the girls, oh the girls
And the games
And my words
And I drove by your house today and tried not to look

And I’ll go back to work
I need to make money to by the stuff I wont ever need
But the coffee is still free
And I’m pretty sure its okay to feel the way I’ve been feeling

And the school, with the girls
And the classes
And the so stressed out
And I always drive by your house and try not to look

And When I'm Dead

I’ll see Melanie and your Colombian charm

And it was your other half I didn’t like anyway

And Sophie to bury my bones and to gnaw on them later

And to run when you felt like stopping

And Tipton and I did read your story and it was better than good

And what happened to our blue car?

I’ll see Bob and Woody and Leadbelly

And your words aren’t dead to me, and Irene goodnight

And Jack and Allen and is Neal still dead on the train tracks?

And Callie with your eyes and your rest

And you drooled on me and I didn’t care

And dear Madlib I would like to pretend to understand what you’re saying

And what is Lord Quas?

And Panda and Avey and ther’ll be time to find the swimming pool

And your Banshee Beat

And Chuck and Kim and you don’t regret being with me

And that’s amazing

And the morning on the canyon

And the birds

And you saved my life

And is God still watching?

In the city where you live,

And your fine don’t you know it

Sides sides sides and sides

and sides you’ll never see

Unless you jump in

and you see your redneck you wanted to,

and thought you would see

But that’s not all and that’s not close to all and theres real beauty

And it makes you sick and cold and wet at night

cause you know just what you need is right down the street

and its not in your magazineseses

and your news pageseses

and its home and that’s home, and you should never feel alone

but you don’t see that and you cant know

cause you see what you want, man, wherever you go

And theres plenty here and you wont read it

in your magazineseses

and your news pageseses

And you may be scared and you may be upset

To know what you need is just what you’ll get

And it may get you pissed when you find out it isn’t in your San Francisco

And Jack is on your street corner too

And you’ll never ever feel quite alone when you find out your home is your home

So keep on looking, keep on finding, and don’t ignore the pages your writing

And you’ll run far and wide and to the side and up and to the left

And you’ll find something and something to get.

And it’s the truth and you know it

and you lie to yourself and you’ll probably lie to your kids

And everybody belongs somewhere,

and I’ll take my chances with staying right here

Cause you know you wont find it in your up north

Even if your dad is from there

Cause that aint you, man, you aint mean, you aint green

And you cant really think that this drink, that smoke, his pills are gonna save your soul

When you’ve known all along, you’re at home

and you’re not alone and alone isn’t alone

You’re just upset and no one believes it and its making it worse and keeping you up

And Hank Williams is still filling your cup

and Woody Guthrie is still trying to sing

and telling the left how to think

And what used to be and what is now aint that different and you know its not

but it gets you pissed

and you did blow off the last girl that you kissed

Cause you’re too good, too far, too out

and no one not anybody

in their telivisionseses

and their magazinseses

knows what you’re about

And you keep looking back, sir is this the truth?

Are you keeping the past on the tip of your tooth? On the tip of your tongue?

And it makes you sad and it makes you mean

and you still feel guilty about moms feelings

And you still feel guilty about hanging up

And you still feel guilty about leaving early

And you’re not gonna find it

in your telivisionseses

and your magazineseses

Cause your home, and its right,

and you’ll raise your flag

Make sure it aint white.

If I were young I'd flee your town
and RUN!
If I were young I'd flee far away
I'm old now, don't bother me
I'm old now, don't mind me

The beach is calm this time of day
If I were young I'd flee
If I told you this was a love note would you write back?
If I told you I wrote a love song would you sing it?

I've got some to give you know
I've got some to know

And now that I know I'd take it all back
they say I'm too good for the way I've been living
Writers block is worthless
and so is this.

I always think of myself in relation to others
I need to think of myself.